Change me....

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FTW.....

I've cried...I'm so stress right now...what's going on to me?its just a small est...why my head still pain....please just stop for few hours...i just wanna read....please please please help me to understand it.....i need to understand it....i want to understand it......POP.....what the fuck...........

I've Cried.....

I do not know what actually happened on me.I feel nothing right now,i know that I'm very damn stress and suffering.about what and what caused me felt that way,i do not know.i wanna throw them away.i don't want them to bother me. i feel very uncomfortable with it.i want myself back.

I've started to feel like this is not me,this is not Carina that used to be.she changed.....until I,myself already don't recognize myself.where am i?i cried just now.after that,i feel much better. but again,the pain is ain't gonna disappear though.

I do not know what am i become,I just don't want to be so emo.What really happened to me????is it i gave myself too much pressure,too much expectation only came out bad outcome.I just wanna do things right.I don't want to be bossy,control everything.I don't want all of this......why am i so fucking damn emo...... I hate to be that way.....that is so not me....its not Carina!!!!!!!


I wish to have a really new life and no emo Carina coming out....please...go away.....I don't want you.....I just wanna be myself which not affraid of everything....argghhhhhhh......>.<"""

Emo-ing

New trimester has started for 2 weeks,although feels not so easy but I will try my best to make it good.I know it will be tough for everyone,but still i hope i can have more better outcome.Plus,i quite emo recently, I don;t know why.But i need to apologies that I'm having emo face,i can't control it.I'm sorry......

Ganbade......^^

I'm not happy.....

I'm not happy.....i don't know why i'm not happy.i don't know why i feel myself not happy....I don't know the reason,don't know when i became not happy and i don't what am i thinking,doing now...i just feel that i'm not happy....

Maybe is too many things to think of....

Mayb is suddenly too many things happened in my life....

Maybe is i'm thinking too far from here....

Perhaps its time for me to take a break...

for not bothering anything happens around me so that i really can calm down and relax....

Perhaps is the weather matter,makes me feel rude and bad mood....

Perhaps is because of stress that i'm giving myself for final....

Perhaps its all about me,myself and I....

Perhaps its just in a short period then i will be fine....

Perhaps...............

But still.....i'm not happy....what can i do to make myself happy....i don't want to see myself so dull and so emo....i want the cheerful myself back right now,right this second this moment....

Help me to find it back.......PLEASE!!!

i do not know how much long that i can stand....I WANT MY CARINA BACK....

its been long time that i didnt actually update my personal blog.from the 1st time i wrote this blog...i wonder what kind of feeling i had o have his blog and so many posts.I thought that this blog is for me to wrote someone i do not like in my life so that i can dont have the hatred in them. But then, i also put happy,sweet moments in this blogs jz to have a share to my dearest. I dont mind whether this blog gt people come in n view o not.for me...its ad enough...i shall not end this blog coz sometimes i can use it to gv out my feelings that frustrated me for so long.so that it makes me more relax...coz i already vomits everything that annoying me into here.

ok....heres it goes....1st...i dont like someone...well....can say that this person actually is nothing....but annoying me...i dun like the voice and action of this person.i dun like either hw this person act and behave....hello...its in U now...wat u expect...duhhh....jz plz...dun let me hate u deeply....i dont want some day....i open my damn fuckin' mouth to scold u....it is mean i knw...tats why i cntrl myself until now...so plz...if u really notice and realize plz...change it b4 we kick ur ass off .....SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!

2nd...i already many years dont have this kind of feeling....which is....have a crush on someone...i dont know this is what feeling...but....its so real and so....cant resist it....i really do not know what to do now....i dont even dare to think of it....who can understand my feeling now....suddenly, so many things happend in my life....i really need a break....i really need to take a deep deep deep breathe so that i can be free for anything and continue fight for what i want.....

midterm,assignment,lousy members,someone someone...why all of you coming in one time...i dont want u all....plz....get rid of it..... dont like u all....i really dont want to have a cruel life and complicated life now.....i want to have a normal life..normal that i wont be so frustrated and many things bugging....although i know human sure will passed these all....dont you think its too early for me to get through these...im just fuckin' 19....damn it...a normal girl that dont wish to have anyhting in her life now.....she dont want luxury anymore,dont want complicated relationships and useless members....and a class of freak that being so so so strange for her....i dont know is my problem r theirs...i feel myself suc ha freak now....i really dont have any direction to go now....what should i do now......i really have no idea....i passed so many things b4 this....nothing can stop me...why am i still judging my ability now....i know i can get through these things......why until now...i still cant make it real?izzit so ard for me to get through?where is the carina that dont scared of anything and death goes?plz help me find myself back....i not enough brave to passed it with now de me....sorry...suddenly cant think any words...broken words will do...i really want myself back....i almost everyday thinking want to have a big big big big big cry just to release my pain and stress.....i cant express out my feeling....its really torturing me...nothing can help me to make it out...i have tried many ways...just cant...i went to sing,i told my sis....both sis....i told my fren...i told mh....in conclusion....I STILL FUCKIN' STRESS!!!!!


i am so sorry to write so emo blog tonite....i really sorry...i hope i can let it go....i do really wish want to scream out as loud as possible so that i wont be so........DEPRESS....aihzzz.....LAME GIRL....

i'm tired~~~tired of being me rite now...

it's been a long time i din update my blog...tonite....i dunno why i suddenly wanna to write something that is not important o special..



next week i will start my degree life in kampar,although its near and i can every week bck hmtown,but...i still dun hv the mood to staying there for 3 years for christ sake....3 years....i feel so stress rite now although i nt yt start class.....



and honestly i really feel sked...i dunno i sked bout wat.....jz sked...and keep thinking and thinking and thinking...i dunno whether i hv made the rite decision o not and i hope i din make any bad decision....i really dont wanna fail and tk the wrong path again...i really feel tired for now.i dunno why i will so emo rite now...bt i wish to cry out jz to release my stress...mayb i can hv a big big cry so tat i can be more awake and knw wats rite for me.....



wat happen to me actually???wats thing tat bother me now....keeping me thinking thinking n thinking...i wish to stop it....i dun wanna think it again....its really tiring....



and i started to feel bored and tiring for something...i dunno wat izzit....can someone plz passed me a compass.....i hv no idea where am i heading now....i hv no direction rite now........